My brother has cautioned me against coming out about my Oprah hate, because he is concerned for my safety. He is sure that Oprah's henchmen are trolling the internets looking for Oprah desecrators.
So, if I turn up missing you'll know who to investigate first.
In the early days, I used to watch Oprah with alarming regularity. Then I graduated college and got a job that conflicted with my Oprah habit.
A few years ago, I fell back into the Oprah vortex. I started watching the show with great regularity only to find myself increasingly rolling my eyes.
Why?
OH MY GOD!
Every other comment out of Oprah's mouth is a tale about herself.
It's got nothing to do with the interviewee.
Take for example when she had Jerry Seinfeld on the show (Mind you, this is a dramatic recreation as transcripts from The Oprah Winfrey Show are locked up tighter than Stedman.)
Oprah: Tell me about the first time you went on Carson.
Seinfeld (as heard by Oprah): Woh, woh, woh, woh woh.
Oprah: Oh, I remember the first time I went on Carson . . .
Or, anytime an actor discusses his or he latest film.
Oprah: Tell me about what you did to prepare for that scene.
Actor (as heard by Oprah): Woh, woh, woh, woh woh.
Oprah: Oh, I remember when I was filming The Color Purple, Steven Speilberg . . .
The one that threw me over the edge was the interview she did with Annie Leibovitz on Thursday, November 16, 2006. The audience sees Ms. Leibovitz's powerful images throughout the interview and Oprah goes on and on about her talent and wraps up the interview with this:
"We haven't seen my favorite of Annie's images . . . (wait for it) . . . it's a picture of ME . . . "
I kid you not!!!!!!!!!!!!
This narcissism of hers drives me crazy. I realize it's her show, but I don't watch it because I want to hear the same tired Oprah stories. I watch it because I want to see her interview her guests.
It's like the magazine. Does she really need to have her picture on every cover?
As she's so fond of saying, "Weeeeee, GET IT! It's YOUR magazine!"
Even Martha doesn't feel the need to put her mug on every cover.
But, Oprah is like crack and I cannot break her spell.
So, what I do now is play a drinking game wherein I take a shot everytime Oprah brings the interview back to herself and everytime she makes a veiled lesbian reference about Gail.
I should need that new liver by Christmas.
Today's possible lesbian comment: I'm hear in Seattle with the cast of Grey's Anatomy and I called Gayle at "OUR" Connecticut home.
DRINK!
