'Til Death Do Us Part

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I wanted to get married. It wasn't a proposal or anything, it was just a question.

I've been thinking about this for a while and the truth is I don't think I need to get married. Maybe it's like skydiving in that I've done it once, it was thrilling, but I don't feel the need to do it again because I know I can attain that thrill through other means.

I know that as a divorcee any comments that I have on marriage may just be referred to as bitter mutterings, but I think that marriage is a beautiful sacrament not to be taken lightly. I also know that while there will be downs, the ups are amazing and rewarding. However, that doesn't mean you have to be married to experience the blessings of love, commitment and loyalty.

Here's the thing, I don't think I need to get married to be in a loving, committed relationship. I don't think marriage will deepen our commitment to each other because I'm already committed to this man and only this man, as he is to me.

I don't think marriage will make me feel like S and I are more of a unit or team: the two of us against the world. I feel that we already are and I wake up every morning feeling blessed that every day this man chooses to love me with the same commitment and intensity that I choose to love him.

Steve is my family and I am his, we know this with every certainty.

So, why not get married anyway?

I think that once "'Til Death Do Us Part" is uttered at a ceremony the blessing of this person choosing me every day gets lost along the way. The permanence that a marriage ceremony implies makes it easy for us to take each other for granted. I'm happy with our relationship and I can't imagine it getting deeper or more committed than it already is. I simply don't need marriage to move my relationship to "the next level" because it's already there.

I recognize the great privilege it would be to be S's wife, but I don't need that to feel validated.

Some might say what Carrie Fisher said in When Harry Met Sally about divorce, "At least you can say you WERE married."

But, what the hell does that mean?