Curses Facebook

(NOTE: Carlos, you should not read this post.)

Damn that Facebook. See, one of my ex boyfriends has finally joined Facebook. I won't lie, I'd been keeping an eye out for him because he keeps turning up in my naughty dreams.

(Carlos, I'm serious! You should stop reading this NOW.)

Here's the thing: I didn't date a lot in high school, and I certainly never got very far with the boys I dated. I had a fucked up self-image. I thought I was a big fat cow. A friend of mine posted the following and it made me laugh and cry.



Of course, when I look at say my senior prom picture I realize I had a SMOKING body! In fact I'm certain that if I had been aware of how good I looked, I would be riddled with STDs. I would have been much more promiscuous.

As a result, I didn't even get to third base until I'd already graduated high school. AND, it was with a boy two years younger than I. I was 18 and he was 16 - SCANDAL! But oh, his fingers played me like a violin. He'd have me breathless in minutes. And after . . . he'd hold me, kiss me and make sure that I felt safe. Looking back on all the times we fooled around, what I remember most is that he never pushed me. He let me decide how intimate I was ready to be with him. The perfect boy for a nervous virgin.

This guy was built like a big teddy bear, but that is where the warm and fuzzy stopped. We were both very headstrong so when we fought it was no holds barred. It never got physical, but there was a lot of yelling and screaming. A lot of fights that ended with slammed doors and cars screeching out of driveways.

His sister and I still keep in touch and she says that I was her favorite of his girlfriends because I didn't take his shit. It's true, I called him out in front of his friends, and if I didn't like something I'd tell him to call me when he quit acting like an asshole. I told her, "I would have loved to have been your sister-in-law, but he and I would have killed each other." She said, "Oh yeah, you're both Alphas."

It was the most exhausting relationship I've ever been in, and so when I left for college I ended it. Also, I didn't want to be the college girl coming back for prom. That just seemed weird.

Of course, now he's on Facebook so my naughty dreams seem to be amping up. I prefer this fantasy version of him. He does all the right things.

In my dreams he is the perfect partner: quiet.