Baby Talk

So, not to long ago, S and I were in the middle of our weekly shopping trip when all of a sudden, in front of the frozen veggies he turns to me and asks,

"So, when do you think we'll want to start a family?"

Me, "Uhm, uh, uh . . . "

Him, "I don't mean today, but you know . . . someday."

Huh, you know, it's funny because I've said that I don't really think I NEED to get married ever. I don't need marriage to feel more committed, and while I still feel that way I don't think I want to have children and not be married. So, you see my dilemma.

First, I work in an extremely conservative environment where single motherhood would more than likely be frowned upon. So, the following day I was with a coworker(one slightly more superior than I in the chain of command) shredding files in the attic when I asked him whether or not our boss would take issue with me getting pregnant and not being married.

Him, "Why?"

Me, "Well, I just figured while we're up here in the attic alone . . . "

At which point he died laughing because it sounded like I was asking this very happily married man to be my baby daddy.

Which, is so not what I was getting at. Anyway, the hysterical laughter sort of cut my question short, but I assured him that I was not with child, but might one day like to be . . . by someone that is not him, clearly.

He simply said, "No, you would not get fired."

Secondly, what would my mother say? I know, I KNOW I'm a grownup and everything, but having to hear it from her would drive me up the wall. I asked S that on the night he brought this whole thing up.

Me, "What would your mother think?"

Him, affecting his mother's reaction (with pearl clutching and all, "'Oh, no. Not until you're married.' But you know what, it's my life so I don't really care what she thinks."

Finally, what would people say. And that, that is what disappoints me the most. That I care at all what other people would think.

The truth of it is, I'm incredibly disappointed in myself because as hippie dippy as I want to be I can't imagine being unmarried and with child.

As much as I don't need to get married I'm still a girly girl and I still think about my wedding. I used to want this big princessy deal, but I had a wedding once and the truth of it is I don't have the funds for a big wedding, it would be gauche to do so (it's not like it's my first wedding) and the thought of spending $25,000+ on a wedding is ridiculous.

So far, I've got myself getting married in a morning catholic ceremony in the church where I received all of my sacraments. It's a small church, very simple, but I feel at home there. I grew up there. I'd probably do it around Easter because that's when the altar is decked out with flowers. Then, I'd have a champagne brunch either at my mom's house or a local restaurant that my parents and I go to all the time when I am in town. I'm such a loon that I even have my "dream ring" picked out: You have to click on the ring to see all three views.


I'd go with a dress cut like this one:
My dress wouldn't be green, it would be champagne.

I'm thinking I'd have my hair pulled up with some flowers in it. Maybe a small bouquet like this one:

in my hand and the rosary I had during my first communion.

My groom would be in a nice suit, but definitely not tails or anything.

That's it. Simple and easy. I don't think I'd even do a registry since, like I said:

I'm full-grown!