On My Own

I left home at 18. Okay, so I was still on mom and dad's payroll, but I was out of the house and living away from them at 18.

I left for college and never looked back!

It was quite possibly the best thing I could have done for myself, it's probably the best thing anyone can do.

Because, see, the thing is, when you live with mom and dad you never really grow up. And by growing up I don't mean paying the bills and rent. You can live at home and pay bills and rent, so I don't mean growing up as much as I mean growing into your own.

Loosely, I think mom and dad think of me as messy, afraid to speak Spanish, lazy, quiet . . . whatever.

But, when I left home I got to be whomever I wanted to be.

I got to keep my stuff neat and organized, I got to be brave and try new things without someone's voice in my ear saying, "you shouldn't try that, that if you fail . . . " I'm in the middle of interviewing for a job in my home town. When I saw the posting, I decided I'd go for it. Even though, mom thinks I should stay at my current job for a while. Her reasoning is that moving from job to job will only harm me. Well, the truth is, moving around has actually made me a desireable candidate for this position. I have experience in a variety of related industries that would make me kick ass in this job. But, maybe if I'd stayed at home I never would have tried for more because there would have been a compelling force affecting my decisions. I might have listened to her saying, "You have a good job right now with good benefits. Why go for something else?"

Moving out was the beginning of my road to becoming a "whole, fully viable entity . . . " and making decisions without considering what mom and dad thought, thus allowing me to develop into half of a successful relationship. I got derailed by marrying too young. I really wasn't a "whole, fully viablel entity at 19." I should have waited.

And having learned that lesson, I have certain criteria that gentleman must meet before I take the next step in a relationship (i.e., living together).

I can't live with someone who's going from mom and dad's to my place.

Why?

Because I need to know that you've been on your own and discovered who you are without any interference.

Moving out means you're not afraid to take things on, to be by yourself, to choose for yourself what you want to do. It means that if you choose to be lazy then you make yourself feel guilty or you decide that being lazy today felt good and was exactly what you wanted to do. But, you don't have to apologize for taking it easy.

So, my "stipulation" that you live on your own isn't arbitrary.

Living on your own is a part of the natural evolution towards adulthood and if you haven't done it, then how can you live with someone else? You know what I think happens when you move in with someone else before living on your own?

I think you set yourself up for being co-dependent. It's too easy to rely on someone else to tell you what you like and what you don't like. It's too easy to let someone else prioritize your life.

I worry that I haven't explained my reasoning well enough. But I do know this, living with mom and dad is a dealbreaker for me.

If you're reading this blog, share with me the importance of living on one's own.