Fat Cock Fucks Pussy

I admit, I'm kind of a geek. So, I spend time online reading other people's blogs. This entry, which also won a Diarist Award for best rant, cracks me up:

http://i-girl.diaryland.com/040407_96.html

Let's just say, she inspired this entry.

See, I've been watching porn lately and I have to admit I just don't get it.

What I-Girl said really jumps out at me (no pun intended). In particular:

the precious slap, the spitting and the EXTREME closeups.

Let's start with: the slap.

What is that! When I see the guys do it to the woman it's one thing. Not that it's right, or remotely sexy, but I'm guessing that this guy is just clueless and just has no idea what to do. BUT, what really gets me is when the woman does it to herself or to another woman.

I don't care how much fucking money you want to pay me, ain't no way I'm going to slap my own pussy.

It just doesn't feel good. It's a slap.

Would I slap another woman's pussy? Aw HELL no! I like my eyes, I don't want to risk my partner in porn scratching my eyes out with her GED nails . . . thaaaaaanks. Tell you what, start showing the women slap a man's dick or balls and then maybe, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe I'll change my mind.

The spitting.

Look, I know that films work under a budget, but get some ID. Christ, K-Y in a pump bottle would do. I'm tired of watching guys spit in a woman's pussy. Y

ou know what dude? You gotta spit in it, ya probably ain't doin' a good job.

Conversely, I really hate watching a woman hawk a loogie on a guy's dick. That's just nasty.

The close-ups. NO, just - no. Aside from being too up close and personal for me, it's boring.

In and out, in and out . . . there's no variation.

I like face, I like reactions. I think the close-up is a result of a director who thinks it's naughty to make the "ok" sign with the thumb and forefinger of one hand while sliding the forefinger of the other hand in and out of the "o."

Want to know what frightens me about porn?

It's not the potential for degradation, it's not the unrealistic body images and it's not the sex. Dude, I like sex.

It's the fact that somewhere, there's young guys somewhere studying the oral sex scenes and taking notes.

Step away from the monitor little one's. Put down the pad and paper and erase from your mind what you've just seen.

We do not like the fast tongue flicky thing. You are not a vibrator and you never will be: I'm sorry, but get over it. Slow and steady wins the race . . . believe me. Tease it a little, go slowly, change your pressure and don't forget to use your hands.

Again, forget what you've seen in the movies. I don't want you to pump your fingers in and out of me like a plunger. Slow, steady strokes and for christ's sake watch my hips and listen to my breathing. You don't have to actually ask, "Did you come?"

If you gotta ask . . .

And before I wrap things up to go look at porn: should you ever actually get lucky enough to get near a real live vagina . . . don't drill it like a jackhammer.

At least . . . not from the getgo.