Random Thoughts

The thing is, right now I don't really have a whole lot going on. There's no drama in my life so I don't have much to post.

Things are going well with S. I have just discovered the Gilmore Girls' marathons on ABC Family so I've been watching a lot of those. Last weekend S said to me, "You know, I downloaded a bunch of those for you. If you want I can save them to disk and we could curl up in bed and you could have a Gilmore Girls day."

Best. Boyfriend. Evah!

That's what my life is most of the time: all sweet and shit. I dig it.

S is currently going through a rough bought with an allergic reaction to Virginia Creeper. It ain't pretty folks. But, he's through the worst of it.

I watched Closer last night and man was that depressing. Just a reminder of how much we can rationalize having an affair and telling/not telling our partner. I was laying in bed watching it with S and I looked up at him and without even looking at me he squeezed his arm tighter around me. It felt reassuring and it was exactly what I needed.

I know that S isn't perfect, so occasionally I do realize that he's likely to cheat. He's just as likely to cheat as I am. I don't preoccupy myself with the thought of him cheatng, but he's human.

Lately I've been having some really upseting dreams. In one, S was packing up his clothes and leaving me. He didn't even talk to me . . . just kept packing while I tried to get him to talk to me.

I had a dream this weekend that really sucked. S' sister J invited me out to go shopping only she left out one small detail: S' ex girlfriend B was joining us. It was wretched because J just kept going on and on about how B was better match for S. How I'd never measure up and that I should leave S because it was only a matter of time before he leaves me. That S has only ever loved B and will always love B. The part that made this dream so rough was that J wasn't letting me say a damn thing. It was Mean Girls with grown up women and it sucked.

I woke up very pouty the next morning and when I padded into the living room to find S I was on the verge of tears when I said, "I need you." He held me and let me tell him about my dream. He rubbed my back, kissed my head and whispered, "It was just a dream." It's so simple but that always makes me feel better.