All the Boys I've Loved Before

That's what I wrote at the top of the page in my journal.

I was just screwing around the way you do when you know that no one will be reading your meaningless scribblings. So, it was in fun that I wrote that as my "theme."

S had been on my mind for a while and then I Googled him.

I'll do that sometimes, remember someone that I was friends with and try to find them with a Google search.

I'm pretty good about finding people, too.

S, I found on my first try.

Just typed in his first and last name and a city name.

First one at the top of the list.

So, I scribbled his phone number on a scrap of paper and shoved it in my messenger bag. I didn't call him right away because I didn't know what I was going to say.

Once I knew where I could reach him I started thinking about him incessantly. So much so that I finally had to write a few pages about him in my journal. And, that's when "All the Boys I've Loved Before" started. S was, and still is, the only entry. I recounted the story about the first time we kissed, only I remembered a different kiss.

My memory of him asking me to that outdoor concert was correct, but the first kiss I remembered was during the Smashing Pumpkins' set.

They were singing Today and I remember I was singing along, "Today is the greatest day I've ever known . . . " and smiling because I'd had a really great time.

I remember hearing him ask me, "Has this been a great day?"

I was still facing forward and I said, "Absolutely . . . " and then turning to look at him and realizing that his face was really close to mine.

And, I smiled at him and looked into his eyes.

He had that look, that one guys get - you know?

He closed his eyes and I just remember thinking, "Hmm, okay."

And then my brain started screaming, "S IS KISSING ME!!!!!"

I might have forgotten the circumstances of that first kiss, but I definitely remembered my reaction.

I wrote that in my journal and I had his phone number in my messenger bag.

So, I pulled it out and called him.