Enjoy!

For those of you who have visited lately, kick back and enjoy.

You are witnessing the honeymoon period.

The beginning of my relationship with this blog is like a new toy at Christmas. It will get a lot of play for a little while, but eventually I'll handle it less and less.

Anyone that follows any blogger knows that there always comes a time when updates start to become weekly, bi-weekly, monthly . . . and so on.

Until you begin gnashing your teeth evertime you visit and realize that there are no updates.

That's about when you start to say, "Hey, you know what, maybe I should go out and get a life of my very own."

At least that's what my experience has been.

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It's Friday!!!! Nothing excites me more than Friday. Well, except maybe Saturday morning. Sunday is good, but Saturday rocks!!! I have the whole day to do whatever the hell I want. I'm taking it easy tomorrow. Treat myself to some homemade bread (I love my breadmaker!) that I'll set tonight so it's ready in it's warm sweetness tomorrow morning.

I'm thinking about catching a free concert tomorrow morning. I don't know though . . . the idea of riding downtown on my bike sounds nice but the idea of curling up in bed with Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons sounds better.

I very much so have no plans whatsoever for this weekend and the last few weeks in my life have been crazy and the coming weeks will be even crazier so I'm taking it easy.

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I've been thinking about yesterday's entry. It's still pretty hard for me to go over that stuff. Some parts of it made me cry and to be honest that pisses me off.

I'm over him but when I start going over the details of it all the hurt is still there.

But, I'm moving on.

I'm in this new thing with this new guy. And I call it this new "thing" because it's still in the pleasantly uncomplicated, undefined state. It's still in the "sweetness and light" phase and that feels so good.

I need that right now.

There are times when at the end of one of our phone calls I want to say, "I love you." But, I stop myself because I don't think I know what that means. I know the feeling to say it comes over me because it feels natural, but those three words can mean so much and can be taken to mean so much. I can't just throw it out there.

The thing is, I have. I've said them to this guy and I kind of regret it.

Not that I didn't feel that way when I said it, I did. It's just that I said it prematurely.

So, I want to go back and erase it.

Hop in my time machine and suck those words out of the word bubble floating above our heads.

Do you think that's possible?

If you could do it, would you?

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I am addicted to this online bulletin board and recently, someone posted a poem that she would like to have read at her wedding. And, the last bit of it blew me away:

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage expecting another to make them whole...
Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...
Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

I LOVE THAT!

Mainly because it flies in the face of that Jerry McGuire "You complete me . . . " bullshit.

The thing is I don't want to complete someone. I want to challenge, inspire and maybe even piss off every now and then. But, I can't be the person that my partner looks to for motivation. That has to come from within.

My former therapist used to have this definition of a good relationship and the first two lines were something about, "Two whole, fully viable entities choosing to be together . . . " I'm not whole and viable just yet, but before I enter into a serious relationship I plan to be and I will expect my partner to be as well.