Love is a Battlefield

I was home in time for Oprah on Friday and it was a really fun one!

Apparently, Oprah is throwing a wedding.

I caught it just in time to see the three prospective chosen couples tell the studio audience why they should be chosen. As I watched this cute (too cute) couple go on, I remember thinking, "Please don't pick that one . . . " Mainly because I was pretty certain the guy was gay. I don't know what it was about him, but something just pinged on my radar.

The other couple was a little to "perfect." They were waiting until marriage to make love and they just LOOKED like Ken and Barbie.

Then there was the third couple, the African American couple. Which, was also the couple that was chosen and they were my favorite of the group. They just seemed so in love and genuine.

Anyway, then I caught Oprah After the Show (which, you have to watch if you're not watching) and one of the panel members that Oprah had on the Oprah Throws a Wedding show said,

"There are no guarantees in life or love."

I actually said, "THANK YOU!" out-loud in my apartment.

To some this might just sound like the crazy mutterings of a bitter divorcee, but I swear I'm not.
I just have enough experience to realize that when you marry there are no guarantees and choosing to love someone is a risk.

Whether that someone is a friend, sister, mother, lover or even a child. I don't know what's going to happen in any of those relationships but I take that risk every day because no matter what happens I know I'll be a better person for it.

I love that love is a risk because any important advancement in science, technology, art, literature, music . . . all began with someone willing to take a risk.

So, I'm willing to risk my heart because what have I got to lose.

Right now though, I'm still sorting out who I am so I know I'm a risky proposition for anyone. What if I figure out who I am and I'm not the one you want. Well, that's your risk to take, but I welcome you along for the ride although I'm sure it's going to require some seatbelt buckling and fake braking from the passenger side.

I'm learning more about who I am so that when I meet someone who's willing to take a risk on me, I'll know what he's getting into. So far, here are the things I know about myself:

1. I don't like eggs benedict. AT ALL.
2. I love a lazy Sunday. Maybe I'll even spend it all day in my pjs if I feel like it. I'd like a partner that can join me in this completely sloth-like behavior, but if he can't or won't then he can't make me feel like shit for spending the day watching movies on Lifetime, O or WE.
3. I'm messy and I don't apologize for it. Yeah, I'll eventually get sick of my shit and pick stuff up but messiness doesn't bother me.
4. I'm messy but I'm not gross. I'm not one of those crazy people whose house turns into a trash heap. Ew.
5. I have a maid and it isn't you. I'll always have a maid.
6. I'm a cat and dog person and will probably always own at least one cat at all times.
7. I like quiet.
8. I don't like screaming. In fighting or anything else. Please don't yell at me from the opposite end of the house if you want something - unless, you know, you're on fire or something equally disastrous.
9. Don't wake me up because you want me to make breakfast. You know what, just don't wake me up, EVER - unless you just feel like kissing me. Then by all means, feel free!
10. I like to eat. Please don't make me feel fat for enjoying a porter house steak and a baked potato.
11. Some day, when I'm ready, I want to have children. Not a baseball team or anything but two or three.
12. My family is important to me. Don't expect me to put them second, but I also won't take their side over yours.
13. I want to get married in the Catholic Church.
14. I'm preppie.
15. I'm a nerdy nerd. Clever wordplay is hysterical to me.
16. I don't like planned vacations. So, if we're going to the beach, for example, don't expect me to go parasailing, jet skiing, bicycling, scooter riding or anything. I mean, yeah maybe I'll want to do that but don't come to me with, "at 10 we're going snorkeling. At 11:15 we'll jet ski. At 12:30 we'll grab lunch . . . " Dude, I just want to read my book. Let's just take it easy and enjoy the day. See where it takes us.
17. Don't talk to me at the movies. I mean, during the previews it's okay but once the opening credits start all talking must cease. Whether it's a good movie or bad a bad one it doesn't matter. Don't talk to me at the movies.
18. I like cheesy pop music.
19. I love to cook and really want you to help me with the dishes after. I'll do the same for you when you cook.
20. My favorite meal is chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes and peas. I know it's not sophisticated but it's a comfort meal that goes back to high school. That doesn't mean I can't throw down with Indian, Ethiopian, Cuban, Sushi or any other kind of cuisine though. I'll try anything once.
21. I love raw oysters. Go ahead, wrinkle up your nose, but there's nothing like raw oysters on the half shell.
22. I can be a workaholic. Sometimes I get carried away and lose track of time.
23. I can be careless. I'll manage my time incorrectly and run late.
24. There are certain things I look for in a guy (purely superficially) clean, clipped nails (nailbiters need not apply), clean ears (I don't care what they say about Q-Tips, nobody wants to look in an earcanal full of wax ), no visible nose hair poking out.
25. I think therapy is a beautiful thing.
26. I'm adventurous - about everything. Life, love, food, sex . . .

I know there's more, and I'm still figuring it out.