I Love Being a Girl - Just Not Always

Being a girl is complicated.

More specifically, being the owner of poon (as in poontang) can be complicated.

Poon gets this unwarranted reputation for being tough. Everyone just figures if a human being can come sliding out of there than surely it's built to last.

Well, it's not a Samsonite.

Don't think you can jump up and down on it and toss it around and have it remain 100%. In reality, poon is very delicate.

You have to maintain the right balance of good germs and bad germs in order for it to flourish. Otherwise, it gets really pissy and pouts. Right now, my poon is pissy and pouting.

You see, I've got Princess Poon.

I refer to her as Princess because the littlest thing, the tiniest change pisses her off. Princess here is very particular about her environment. If I'm not careful, she gets fussy.

The maid washed my panties in bleach.
- Oooooh, the Princess she is not happy. Her skin is as tender as a rose petal. The Princess she
is huffy.

- I took a bath instead of a shower.
The Princess she does not like to be submerged in soapy water. She is offended. The Princess
she is angry.

- I take a shower with fancy soap (i.e. not Ivory).
The Princess she has allergies. She is itchy. The Princess she is so mad.

So, you see, Princess here is very, very fussy and right now she is so mad at me that she has engaged her friend UT in a full scale war against me. UT and Princess are close and they like to gang up on me once in a while.

I realized this weekend when I went to get out of bed and felt shooting pain across my lower back. I thought I'd slept funny. Then I went to pee and realized that Princess was not happy to be woken up with water splashing on her face (Who would be!). As the day went on she got all itchy and clammy.

The Princess, she was pissed!

So, I trotted her to the doctor and asked, "What is going on here? We were getting along just great and then she goes and gets all crazy on me."

The doctor sat me down and said, "The Princess, she is not well."

It turns out she and UT went all kinds of crazy together to conspire against me. UT was in fact infected. I was running a fever of 105 and very unhappy with Princess.

She and I are not currently on speaking terms. I am medicating and while Princess' exterior has been soothed, she still harbors some lingering resentment.