Deer in Headlights

Yes, it's true, I used to be a military wife.

The truth is, I didn't really mind it.

I was never forced to join the cult of Officer's Wives or perform any other "required" wifely duties and birth control was free, free, FREE!

But, there was always a little part of me that felt bitter about the fact that I was a "professional" and was never "taken care of" in the way of work.

I had to learn what it was like to move to a new city without any contacts and restart my career.
I've become quite good at it actually and it is only in hindsight that I am grateful for the sink or swim job hunting skills I acquired.

I didn't realize HOW thankful until I watched my spouse approach his "date of separation" (or, last day as an officer) with an approach that resembled a deer in headlights.

Think about it: J graduated college with his plans for the future mapped out. The military says, "You graduate and we'll send you to XY City and State where you'll begin your first job. While the rest of your classmates are scrambling to find work (or apply to grad school because they can't find work), we'll take care of you."

Which is all fine and great I suppose since you're willing to die for your country and everything, but I've seen what happens to "career military" who have never had to look for a job and are suddenly on the market.

J wasn't even career military and he was practically paralyzed with fear.

When I was in college, there was a major who was "retiring." I put that in quotes because what really happened was that he didn't get his next promotion and that's pretty much the military's way of saying, "Uh, uh, the bus stops here for you pal!"

So, this major had some community contacts and was trying to secure a job with The Red Cross.

Every day he walked into the secretary's office in the ROTC building asking, "Did I get any mail or calls from TRC?" And, it was always with the slightest hint of a tremor in his voice.

This man was panicked.

He was the breadwinner in his family and here he was about to face unemployment.

He did finally get the job, but it was right before his terminal leave ran out. (I have a friend who's military that reads this and if he could post on here a good definition of Terminal Leave, I'd appreciate it! BC, I'm looking at you!!!!)

It was the same thing with J. He had saved up 3 months of time off and his last day of work he was all, "Well, my plan is to find a job right away so that I can collect two paychecks."

Which is all well and good in theory, but anyone that's had to find a "real" job can tell you it can take months from finding the job posting to actually getting hired on.

I've had seven jobs since I graduated college and with the exception of one of those, it's taken me anywhere from three weeks to three months before I was hired on.

If you're getting out, here's what I recommend:

1. Figure out what you want to do. If you have to, get something like "What Color is My Parachute" and work through it.

2. Start your resumes now. Yes, that's plural because you'll need a unique resume for each job you respond to. Not all job postings are the same and your resume should be customized for each job.

3. Start your cover letters now. At least do a generic cover letter so that you have the guts of it and can customize it when the time comes.

4. Check the newspaper and online job postings.

Here's an interesting little story: I found the job that J had when he first got out of the military.

I did a Google search with the job title (xxx developer), the city and state (xxx, MS) and the word "Employment."

The first link on the list was for a small company website in my city and state. They hadn't posted on any of the big name job boards and if you weren't looking for that company specifically, there's no way you could have found it.

But, with a creative search engine request there it was.

5. It's never too soon to start applying!!!!! Some places receive resumes and take weeks before they start making call backs.

6. Start practicing your cold call speech.

Cold calls suck. But, I was desperate to get out of a job situation.

So, I sat back and thought to myself, "What can I do and what field can I do this in? What field am I qualified to work in?"

I came up with advertising.

So, I looked it up in the yellow pages and started calling the ad agencies in my office. My speech went something like this:

"Hi, my name is ________ and I live in the ______ area. I have had four and a half years of professional experience as a copywriter and editor for catalogs, magazines and a nonprofit agency. I was wondering if you might have any positions available for someone with my qualifications."

It sucked at first (because I felt like a telemarketer and was afraid they were going to hang up on me), but once I got into a rhythm I started to enjoy it. You just have to barrel on because if you pause or hesitate they might say, "Sorry, we're not interested."

Most of the time I got a receptionist who would say, "I'm not really sure but I can transfer you to our HR Dept."

Also, one agency was nice enough to say, "Well, we aren't currently looking for anyone, but such and such agency is."

That was helpful because I could call such and such agency and say, "Hi, my name is ____ and a gentleman at _______ mentioned that you had an opening for a copywriter."

The people you talk to are really nice because most everyone understands looking for a job.

Whatever field it is you're looking to get into don't forget to use your yellow pages.

7. Join professional associations and don't be afraid to talk to people. I'm at my current job because my ex mentioned to a friend of his that I was looking for work.

Friend of ex said, "You know, my wife's company is looking for someone that can do this, this and that. Does that sound like something your wife would be interested in?" Turns out my skills were a perfect match for what I'm doing now.

Also, finding a job may be your first priority but placing you is not the first priority of the company you interviewed with.

Follow-up that interview with a thank you note and call in two weeks if you haven't heard anything.

I interviewed for a job in N.O. on October 1 and sent a note a week later.

Around November 1 I called the place and asked about the position and the hiring guy's secretary informed me that he'd hired someone and was sending out thank you letters to those that had applied.

I still haven't gotten that letter.

If I'd sat around and waited to hear back I still wouldn't know anything.

And ya'll, I kicked ass on that interview and left genuinely feeling like I had the job.

Which, boys and girls, leads me to my next piece of advice: NEVER stop applying and interviewing for jobs.

Even if you are certain you have the job.

You may have knocked their socks off, but the person after you may have knocked their panties off.

It's never a sure thing until you have a printed and signed offer letter in front of you.

Don't even think you've got it until you're sitting in your office on your first day.

Here's what I've learned in searching for work: jobs don't fall into your lap. You have to get out there and hustle.

And, at the risk of sounding like a pinko commie, this is just one of the reasons I hate the military.

They are great when you are in their fold, but once you get out they kick you out of that nest and you'd better be ready to fly on your own because there's no safety net and those bastards have done you a huge injustice by handing you every job you've had on a platter.