Give up, already!

Okay, so I'm feeling a little down about myself.

Fridays tend to do that to me.

Which, I know doesn't make any sense but here's the thing: every Friday a teeny, tiny little part of me holds out hope that S will surprise me and just show up.

But, he never does.

You'd think I'd just let that go already and realize: It ain't gonna happen.

It kind of makes me feel like a big, dumb girl.

And it gets me down because a few weeks ago a woman I work with said to me:

"Oh yeah, when E lived in FW he drove up to see me every weekend. I know how it is . . . "

FW being approximately the same distance as S is from me.

And I think to myself, "Well, of course he did!"

I mean look at E!

She's beautiful: blonde hair, blue eyes . . . a real knockout in the truest sense . . . which, clearly, I am not.

Men just do not do that for girls that look like . . . me.

I know, I know, this is all very "Poooooor ME!" but I'm serious.

Never in my life has a man made any sort of grande, sweeping romantic gestures.

Maybe I'm just lowering my standards.

What I should do is hold out for the man that I inspire to be romantic.

Whatever loser, wake up and realize that it's just not in the cards for you.

It's not like I don't make an effort.

I used to leave little surprise romantic notes for my ex.

In his lunch bag, in his car . . . one time I came home from work and thought my efforts had finally paid off!

I found rose petals strewn down the hall leading to the closed door of our bedroom.

I thought, "Now this is more like it!"

You know what had happened?

I'd left the bedroom window open and a gust of wind had blown the potpourri out of the glass bowl on my nightstand, down the hall and then slammed the door shut.

Now that is more like it.

I've even surprised my current guy with last minute, impulsive decisions to go see him.

But, to no avail, I have yet to receive a surprise visit in return.

It's really quite depressing.

Don't we regular, average looking girls deserve to feel special, too?

Dammit, where's my copy of Lucinda's "Lonely Girls" when I need it!