Dark Mood

Last night I picked up my mail and realized that my account was overdrawn, AGAIN!!!

Nothing makes me feel more like a moron than realizing I spent more than I earned. I mean, HELLO!!!!!

So, that sent me into a bad, bad mood.

Add to that the fact that earlier in the day, after a long weekend together, I said good-bye to my long-distance Sweetie and that I woke up with a killer pain in my neck, my bad mood turned into a foul mood.

The good news is I looked up my account online, added up my bills and I have enough money right now to make it to the end of the month and even put a little something in savings.

That feels good.

But, the pain in my kneck is still there. I slept on a heating pad last night and while it helped, I had to keep waking up every few hours to turn it back on everytime it started to hurt. I don't know what's up with it, well I think I know but I can't be sure. For now it's ibuprofen and rest.

At some point during the weekend I wanted a kiss from my SO and my SO whispered to me from his side of the bed, "Come over . . . " and it made me ache just a little. I guess because it reminded me of the fact that we don't have a "normal" relationship.

One of those where you call the other and say, "Come over . . . "

So you look forward to the weekends when you're together and try not to think about the fact that the relationship is starting to look costly on paper.

Because when you go in town you can't be "together" unless you rent a room ($$) and then there's gas money to drive 4.5 hours ($$) and eating out ($$). I step away from it and realize that it's costing us both a significant amount to keep this thing going and you start to wonder, "Is it worth it?"

There are times when I think it is, but there are times when I think it isn't.

I don't know, maybe I'm just in a cruddy mood and having to deal with anything is more than I can handle right now.