In My Life

That was my senior song. In My Life.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

I went to an all girl's school steeped in tradition and one of those is that the Butterfly's (my class mascot) ALWAYS have the same senior song. We did have an opportunity to vote for another song, but tradition won out. And I'm so glad because that song is amazing!

My reunion was last year and quite honestly, sometimes I feel like the world's worst friend. I have a tendency to move on from one phase of my life to the next and leave everything behind.

Friends included.

I'm really terrible about that and at my reunion I realized how much I had missed by not staying in touch with my friends from high school. Not just how much I missed in their lives, but how much I missed about me, too.

See, in my first two years it was just me, J9 and Nose. We were thick as thieves, but I really can't tell you how we all met. Although, I think I was the link. Meaning that I met Nose in Honors English. She sat in front of me and I had to do this goofy assignment about Nose's personality. I think I compared her to a butterfly. Which, I guess was kind of corny given that it was our class mascot.

Anyway, in the 20 minute interview required for this in-class assignment I realized Nose was the kind of girl I could hang out with. We laughed at all the same things, but more importantly, we made fun of all the same things. We read our reports out-loud and she was quite surprised that I read her so well.

I moved on to my next class which was Spanish. I sat next to J9 and would sit next to J9 in Spanish class for the next three years.

J9 had gorgeous, long, brown curly hair and kind of looks like Julie Ormond.

Anyway, she was really quiet but again we had to do a "get-to-know" you exercise and I instantly found her to be a cool chick.

We had lunch right after Spanish and since neither of us knew anyone J9 and I walked down together. In the cafeteria I saw Nose and said, "Hey Nose!" She turned around startled and said, "Oh god, no one here knows me by that name! Hearing it just made me feel so comfortable. Like I know where I am instead of feeling like I look, which you know - HELLO, is completely lost."

The three of us laughed and sat together at the same place we'd sit for the next four years.

And that was it. It was that easy for the three of us to come together and I feel so lucky for that.
See, I've never really had female friends.

When I was in seventh grade I transferred to a Catholic school from public school and it was a difficult transition.

All of the kids had known each other since kindergarten and were super close. They let me in for maybe three months and then someone made up a ridiculous rumor about me and I found out because when I walked up to a group of girls chatting, they literally shut me out. I tried to take a spot where there was an opening in the group and they promptly shifted to shut it.

I don't even remember what the rumor was but at 12 it was a life defining moment for me. I never really trusted girls after that. So, meeting J9 and Nose was awesome!

Other girls joined J9, Nose and I at the lunchtable and stuff and by senior year our little group of three had turned into 9. J9 and I remained the closest. Probably because we were both Hispanic and lived closest to each other. In high school, sometimes proximity is all it takes to make people close.

At our 10 year reunion they gave us nametags with our senior picture on them. J9 turned to me and said, "Remember the day I went to have this picture taken?" I shook my head and said, "No, was I there?"

Her mouth fell open and she said, "You don't remember? We went to my mom's stylist and she was going to blow my hair out but instead she gave me this hideous bouffant! When I got in the car I started to cry because it was for senior pics, but you said not to worry about it. That we could go to your house and wash it and re-style it."

Me, "Oh god, I remember going with you to the salon, but I don't remember anything after that."

J9, "I was always glad that you were there because I shudder to think what my senior picture would have looked like otherwise."

And that's what the reunion was like.

J9 and I reminiscing about high school and all the goofy stuff we had gotten into. As the night wore on we goofed off with Nose, too. I don't know when it happened but at some point, as I felt the three of us fall into our easy rhythm I realized something.

The best parts of who I am (sarcastic, witty, silly, open, emotional . . .) are because of these women.

J9's goofiness and ability to assess a situation and Nose's sarcasm and wit are all traits that I see in myself and I wonder if I would be the woman I am today without their influence in my life.

The three of us are all strong, independent, outgoing women and I can't help but think we helped each other become who we are today. When I think about that, I'm incredibly grateful that they touched my life.

As graduation was approaching, J9 and I drifted apart and then had a massive fight that led to us not talking to each other. Nose had already gotten closer to another girl in our group so I didn't really see her much the summer before college. Besides, I was working at a place with kids around my age so I had a whole new group of friends.

So that was it, I turned my back on my high school friends and moved on.

Sure, there were moments of teenage agony here and there, but high school really was one of the sweetest times in my life. I know I've polished my memories so that now they are just this beautiful, gleaming treasure, but I can't think of another time in my life when I felt that good. Lord knows, I didn't peak in high school but those were the days I didn't have to worry about ANYTHING. I partied in college, but somehow it was different.

And now, when I look at my high school's website to see what's going on with the alumnae, I see pictures of current students and my heart aches.

It aches for all of the things I've left behind and all of the things I didn't appreciate and relish when I had them.

I look at the pictures of these beautiful, fresh faced girls and I want to tell all of them,

"Forget about your thighs, your hair and that stupid boy that hasn't called you back! Look around you and have a great time."

Because in life there are no do-overs.

You only get one chance to be young and carefree, so enjoy the hell out of it.

(To the Juniors and Seniors)

And, have a little sex.

Turns out it's not that bigga deal.