A few months ago I called my mom to tell her that my divorce had been finalized. She said to me, "Well that was quick! I'll bet you were more eager than J to get that going."
Me, "Actually, it was J that got us the lawyer and set up the appointments."
Mom, a moment of silence, then, "Well, It's not like your looking to get married any time soon are you?"
Me, incredulously, "To WHOM?"
Mom, "Well, Stanley!"
Alright, the thing is, I know she knows S's name and I know she know's it's NOT Stanley.
And because I'm a mean daughter I decided to have a little fun with her.
Me, "Who's STANLEY?!?"
Mom, frustrated, "Oh, you know - S----!"
Me, laughing, "Mom! Who do you think I am J-Lo?"
**************************************************************************
Over Labor Day weekend I went in to NO on Thursday night. I took Friday off and stayed through Monday. This is the longest I've been home in a while. On Sunday, mom and dad decided to go to Pontchatoula. They like going to the farmer's market out there as well as this antique store they've just found. My Aunt Toya joined us as well.
I had maybe 10 pages left to read of To Kill A Mockingbird and when you're that close you just don't want to stop. So, I took it in the car with me and kind of half-listened to the conversation on the way to Pontchatoula.
My Aunt was talking about McD and how he'd gone out the night before.
She said, "No se. I don't know where he went - he just said there was music all night long y bailo, he danced."
Me, "He went to the House of Blues."
Everyone, "Huh? How do you know?"
Me, "He told me last night. Said it was Latin night."
Toya, "Si, si, he said they played salsa music, merengue and punta."
Me, "Right, Latin night."
Dad, "Can Donald dance that?"
Mom, "Ah, he just does like on the MTV. In the videos. Asi, like dees . . . "
And Mom busts out the pimp haaaands!
Hands all waving in the air like she just don't care.
(Pimp hands. Like you’re in your hooptie, and it’s got the mad hydraulics, and you’re just like, unh! TM Chiara Pimp Haaaands should not be confused with Raising the Roof Hands - which require one to turn palms upwards and push up).
My aunt, "Ah, si si, like dees."
And then SHE busts out with the pimp hands.
But, not only is she waving the hands like she just don't care - she's also rocking her body back and forth to this silent rhythm that she and my mom are big pimpin' to!
For that brief moment, it was as if dad's Toyota Camry had been turned into that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem's rockin' the mike and all the people in the club have the single-handed pimp hand going.
I love my family!
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Everybody Poops - LUCKY BASTARDS!
(I posted this on a bulletin board a few weeks ago. I'm posting it here because I'm only 29 and have poop problems. I'm too young for this. I also posted it because I'm a big advocate of preventative healthcare. Get your checkups people - and look at your poop.)
I had some issues a few years ago and my bowel movements were on this weird cycle.
For a few days I'd have nothing, just gas and bloating.
Then when I finally went to the bathroom I'd only produce what I referred to as rabbit poop because it just looked like little pellets and I'd be in there for ages for just 10-15 pellets. Then, I'd have diarrhea.
This cycle went on and on for months until I saw blood. (FYI, bright red blood should be looked at but it's probably not cancer or anything. It's probably from a hemorrhoid or something. Dark red blood though is a problem as it could be from your colon.)
Anyway, I had a colonoscopy and everything checked out okay except for a few internal hemorrhoids.
In conversations with my doctor though we talked about a typical day for me regarding diet and came to the conclusions that 1.) I'm lactose intolerant, 2.) I need more fiber and 3.) I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
I love cheese and ice cream so I tend to avoid those things now. But, I give in and I know I'm in trouble when I eat pizza, lasagna, a burger with cheese.
If I really, really want it I give in to the craving but I know I'll pay for it later.
I have to have Lactaid milk and those Lactaid pills never did anything for me.
I also get plenty of fiber now.
I have a salad with lunch and dinner or at least snack on some fruit during the day.
But, I really upped my fiber intake with these fancy little Bran Flakes I buy at The Fresh Market. It's something like 22% of my daily fiber and not only does it keep me ridiculously regular, but a small bowl of that stuff really sticks with me and normally I'm not hungry until lunch.
I have to stay away from greasy foods (hamburgers, tacos, fried chicken) as I know that will send me running towards the bathroom before the end of the evening and forget popcorn. It just makes me gassy.
I'm a Louisiana girl, but even overly spicy foods sends me like running like Flo Jo to the restroom.
Turns out my dad's the same way: Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
It's all been a pain in the ass to deal with (both literally and figuratively), but once you figure out what you can and can't eat then you can go from there.
There are also medications for IBS.
I'm not currently on any, but I know there are some things I JUST SHOULDN'T EAT.
I love broccoli and cauliflower but I just can't do it.
I had some Mashed Cauliflower (supposed to be potatoes) and I loved it, but a few hours later I was in the bathroom with the worst stomach cramps and explosive diarrhea EVAH!!!
I don't currently journal my food intake (which maybe I should just to see what triggers an upset stomach), but when I'm on the pot bent over with cramps, chills and the hair standing up on my arms I take a moment and think, "What did I eat? What did I eat?"
That's at least the first step to figuring out your trigger foods.
And, you know, look at your poop.
It's gross but you have to know what's going on in your body to be your best advocate.
I had some issues a few years ago and my bowel movements were on this weird cycle.
For a few days I'd have nothing, just gas and bloating.
Then when I finally went to the bathroom I'd only produce what I referred to as rabbit poop because it just looked like little pellets and I'd be in there for ages for just 10-15 pellets. Then, I'd have diarrhea.
This cycle went on and on for months until I saw blood. (FYI, bright red blood should be looked at but it's probably not cancer or anything. It's probably from a hemorrhoid or something. Dark red blood though is a problem as it could be from your colon.)
Anyway, I had a colonoscopy and everything checked out okay except for a few internal hemorrhoids.
In conversations with my doctor though we talked about a typical day for me regarding diet and came to the conclusions that 1.) I'm lactose intolerant, 2.) I need more fiber and 3.) I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
I love cheese and ice cream so I tend to avoid those things now. But, I give in and I know I'm in trouble when I eat pizza, lasagna, a burger with cheese.
If I really, really want it I give in to the craving but I know I'll pay for it later.
I have to have Lactaid milk and those Lactaid pills never did anything for me.
I also get plenty of fiber now.
I have a salad with lunch and dinner or at least snack on some fruit during the day.
But, I really upped my fiber intake with these fancy little Bran Flakes I buy at The Fresh Market. It's something like 22% of my daily fiber and not only does it keep me ridiculously regular, but a small bowl of that stuff really sticks with me and normally I'm not hungry until lunch.
I have to stay away from greasy foods (hamburgers, tacos, fried chicken) as I know that will send me running towards the bathroom before the end of the evening and forget popcorn. It just makes me gassy.
I'm a Louisiana girl, but even overly spicy foods sends me like running like Flo Jo to the restroom.
Turns out my dad's the same way: Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
It's all been a pain in the ass to deal with (both literally and figuratively), but once you figure out what you can and can't eat then you can go from there.
There are also medications for IBS.
I'm not currently on any, but I know there are some things I JUST SHOULDN'T EAT.
I love broccoli and cauliflower but I just can't do it.
I had some Mashed Cauliflower (supposed to be potatoes) and I loved it, but a few hours later I was in the bathroom with the worst stomach cramps and explosive diarrhea EVAH!!!
I don't currently journal my food intake (which maybe I should just to see what triggers an upset stomach), but when I'm on the pot bent over with cramps, chills and the hair standing up on my arms I take a moment and think, "What did I eat? What did I eat?"
That's at least the first step to figuring out your trigger foods.
And, you know, look at your poop.
It's gross but you have to know what's going on in your body to be your best advocate.
I Am Not An Animal
I'm having kind of a shitty day today.
I woke up at 5:30 a.m. feeling fairly well-rested.
Did I get out of bed and try to make it to the gym for that 5:45 a.m. Spin class I keep wanting to attend?
Fuck no.
I laid in bed, pulled Jack (my grey tabby) in for a snuggle and went back to sleep.
I kept going in and out of sleep until I finally decided to get up for work, and of course, I was late.
I walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and my mouth fell open at my reflection.
Now, I'm not exactly at my most beautiful right when I wake up in the morning, but this morning I was hideous.
My left eyelid is swollen.
Noticeably swollen.
Like Jack sucker punched me in my sleep kind of swollen.
So, right now I look like I'm wearing the prosthetic makeup Eric Stoltz wore to play Rocky in that movie Mask. (You know, that one with Cher and Chris Christopherson.)
I think something bit me.
See, last night there was a big cockroach in my room, (Not that I think that's what bit me, because . . . ewwwwww) and my room is a mess right now (stacks of boxes and papers that I keep meaning to get to since I moved in) so finding the roach so I could kill it took forever.
While looking for it, I decided to go through two boxes of beauty products that had been sitting in a corner of my room. I put the boxes on my bed and sifted through them.
Throwing away a small fortune in expired and practically new bottles of Neutrogena and other assorted products.
I think maybe there was a little spider or ant or something in one of those boxes.
See, I remember waking up in the middle of the night to scratch my forehead.
I figured it was just a mosquito because I could feel the swelling and the itching.
But the motherfucker must have gotten my eye, too!!!!
I'm very much a live and let live kind of person.
I don't even mind spiders all that much because they eat other small bugs that bite.
But when you start biting me on the eyelid - that means war.
I don't care if your a long-lost relative of Charlotte and her infamous web - your days are numbered.
I woke up at 5:30 a.m. feeling fairly well-rested.
Did I get out of bed and try to make it to the gym for that 5:45 a.m. Spin class I keep wanting to attend?
Fuck no.
I laid in bed, pulled Jack (my grey tabby) in for a snuggle and went back to sleep.
I kept going in and out of sleep until I finally decided to get up for work, and of course, I was late.
I walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and my mouth fell open at my reflection.
Now, I'm not exactly at my most beautiful right when I wake up in the morning, but this morning I was hideous.
My left eyelid is swollen.
Noticeably swollen.
Like Jack sucker punched me in my sleep kind of swollen.
So, right now I look like I'm wearing the prosthetic makeup Eric Stoltz wore to play Rocky in that movie Mask. (You know, that one with Cher and Chris Christopherson.)
I think something bit me.
See, last night there was a big cockroach in my room, (Not that I think that's what bit me, because . . . ewwwwww) and my room is a mess right now (stacks of boxes and papers that I keep meaning to get to since I moved in) so finding the roach so I could kill it took forever.
While looking for it, I decided to go through two boxes of beauty products that had been sitting in a corner of my room. I put the boxes on my bed and sifted through them.
Throwing away a small fortune in expired and practically new bottles of Neutrogena and other assorted products.
I think maybe there was a little spider or ant or something in one of those boxes.
See, I remember waking up in the middle of the night to scratch my forehead.
I figured it was just a mosquito because I could feel the swelling and the itching.
But the motherfucker must have gotten my eye, too!!!!
I'm very much a live and let live kind of person.
I don't even mind spiders all that much because they eat other small bugs that bite.
But when you start biting me on the eyelid - that means war.
I don't care if your a long-lost relative of Charlotte and her infamous web - your days are numbered.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue
I've been to a couple of weddings in my life.
The best wedding I ever went to was my friend Nose's wedding.
Nose is really laid back. So laid back that when I saw her eight months before her wedding she said to me:
"My mom really wants to have the reception at The Pavillion of Two Sisters (http://www.neworleanscitypark.com/pavillion.php) at City Park. I figure, 'Hey, since she's paying for it then whatever she wants is fine with me."
I smiled and said to Nose, "Honey, if that's your attitude then you're going to have an awesome time at your wedding."
And I meant that, Nose has never been a stressy, control freak so the fact that she was letting someone else take the reins saved her from turning into Bridezilla.
I've never seen a more beautiful bride than Nose.
She looked so beautiful and so serene.
At the reception she and D danced to Van Halen's "Dance the Night Away."
A bold choice for a first dance. But, if I know D she picked it because it was a song she and D BOTH wanted. It was sung by a live band so it was slowed down in tempo a bit and at the end, D picked her up and they both sort of spun around the dance floor.
The surprise on Nose's face was delightful. This was definitely something she wasn't expecting. After he set her down, she looked up at him, smiling and laughing.
And, when I saw the look on her face tears sprang to my eyes.
I got sad.
Sad because I knew I'd never be able to look up at my spouse with that look of wonder and amazement. With that undeniable "I'm the luckiest girl in the world" look.
I think I also got so emotional because I was so moved to see Nose so happy.
I know that brides always look radiant, but Nose was more than just radiant.
She was beaming, as if a ball of sunshine had filled her soul and she was feeling it from the very top of her head to the tips of her toes.
And so, while I've seen several brides, Nose is the first I've ever seen so happy, so relaxed, so natural.
On that day, I looked at her and realized that I want to be that happy.
That I deserve to be that happy.
We all do.
The best wedding I ever went to was my friend Nose's wedding.
Nose is really laid back. So laid back that when I saw her eight months before her wedding she said to me:
"My mom really wants to have the reception at The Pavillion of Two Sisters (http://www.neworleanscitypark.com/pavillion.php) at City Park. I figure, 'Hey, since she's paying for it then whatever she wants is fine with me."
I smiled and said to Nose, "Honey, if that's your attitude then you're going to have an awesome time at your wedding."
And I meant that, Nose has never been a stressy, control freak so the fact that she was letting someone else take the reins saved her from turning into Bridezilla.
I've never seen a more beautiful bride than Nose.
She looked so beautiful and so serene.
At the reception she and D danced to Van Halen's "Dance the Night Away."
A bold choice for a first dance. But, if I know D she picked it because it was a song she and D BOTH wanted. It was sung by a live band so it was slowed down in tempo a bit and at the end, D picked her up and they both sort of spun around the dance floor.
The surprise on Nose's face was delightful. This was definitely something she wasn't expecting. After he set her down, she looked up at him, smiling and laughing.
And, when I saw the look on her face tears sprang to my eyes.
I got sad.
Sad because I knew I'd never be able to look up at my spouse with that look of wonder and amazement. With that undeniable "I'm the luckiest girl in the world" look.
I think I also got so emotional because I was so moved to see Nose so happy.
I know that brides always look radiant, but Nose was more than just radiant.
She was beaming, as if a ball of sunshine had filled her soul and she was feeling it from the very top of her head to the tips of her toes.
And so, while I've seen several brides, Nose is the first I've ever seen so happy, so relaxed, so natural.
On that day, I looked at her and realized that I want to be that happy.
That I deserve to be that happy.
We all do.
Friday, September 10, 2004
Summer Nights
I was wearing a skirt because I know how much you like it when I wear one.
We had just gotten back from a late night movie.
You asked if I didn't mind waiting a while before we went inside.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Okay."
I put my foot against my car's rear bumper and lifted myself up to sit on my trunk.
You were standing in front of me, taking one last drag and I said, "Come here."
You smiled, walked over to stand in between my legs and I took your face in my hands and kissed you.
You pulled away and my eyes remained closed for a few seconds afterward. My face may have had what you call my "drunk" look.
You whispered, "You want to be bad?"
I smiled, bit my lip and nodded.
You got closer to me and I jumped when I felt your hand slide up my thigh. I gasped when your fingers pushed my panties aside.
It wasn't long before you were making me tremble, kissing me, drowning out my cries in the quiet night.
We had just gotten back from a late night movie.
You asked if I didn't mind waiting a while before we went inside.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Okay."
I put my foot against my car's rear bumper and lifted myself up to sit on my trunk.
You were standing in front of me, taking one last drag and I said, "Come here."
You smiled, walked over to stand in between my legs and I took your face in my hands and kissed you.
You pulled away and my eyes remained closed for a few seconds afterward. My face may have had what you call my "drunk" look.
You whispered, "You want to be bad?"
I smiled, bit my lip and nodded.
You got closer to me and I jumped when I felt your hand slide up my thigh. I gasped when your fingers pushed my panties aside.
It wasn't long before you were making me tremble, kissing me, drowning out my cries in the quiet night.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Swoonworthy
I am a bulletin board nerd.
I admit fully that I visit www.mathplusone.com and love it! I even think of the women there as my friends. Which, I guess is what tips me over into nerd/loser territory. I mean, can you really be friends with a group of women that you've never met?
I don't know.
But I do know that anytime I'm having a crisis or want to share good news, MATH is the first place I think to go.
Plus, the women on there kick all kinds of ass. They are smart, witty and totally willing to wallow in their girliness. It's tough to find women like that.
Anyway, I'm pimping MATH because right now there's a Breakup Songs thread getting a lot of action. I made my contribution, but it got me to thinking.
What about love songs?
And that made me think about songs that "just melt my butter." (And if you know what that quote is from than you and I might be destined to be friends for life.
Here are just a handful of songs that would totally make me drop my panties:
I admit fully that I visit www.mathplusone.com and love it! I even think of the women there as my friends. Which, I guess is what tips me over into nerd/loser territory. I mean, can you really be friends with a group of women that you've never met?
I don't know.
But I do know that anytime I'm having a crisis or want to share good news, MATH is the first place I think to go.
Plus, the women on there kick all kinds of ass. They are smart, witty and totally willing to wallow in their girliness. It's tough to find women like that.
Anyway, I'm pimping MATH because right now there's a Breakup Songs thread getting a lot of action. I made my contribution, but it got me to thinking.
What about love songs?
And that made me think about songs that "just melt my butter." (And if you know what that quote is from than you and I might be destined to be friends for life.
Here are just a handful of songs that would totally make me drop my panties:
- Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"
- Modern English "Melt With You"
- Bob Marley "Is This Love?"
- Paul McCartney "Maybe I'm Amazed"
- Christine McVeigh "Songbird"
- Billy Joel "She's Got a Way"
- Momma Cass "Dream a Little Dream"
- The Association "Never My Love"
- Etta James "At Last"
- John Mayer "Back To You"
- Harry Connick Jr. "It Had to Be You"
- John Mayer "Wonderland"
- Eric Clapton "Wonderful Tonight"
- Barry White "You're The First, The Last, My Everything"
- Marvin Gaye "Let's Get It On"
- Frank Sinatra "You Look Wonderful Tonight"
- Marvin Gay "Sexual Healing"
- Faith Hill "Breathe"
- George Strait "Cross My Heart"
- John Michael Montgomery "I Love The Way You Love Me"
- Faith Hill "This Kiss"
- Dave Matthews Band "Crash" (I know, I know - DMB)
- Shania Twain "You're Still the One"
- Tim McGraw "Watch the Wind Blow By"
- Trisha Yearwood "How Can I Live Without You"
- Garth Brooks "Shameless"
- Shania Twain "Forever and Always"
- Dido "Thank You"
So, I don't know who's reading this but I'd love to hear from anyone that is.
What are YOUR "Off Like a Prom Dress" songs?
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Why Breakfast for Dinner?
Because I like it.
I went to a party a while ago and the theme was Breakfast for Dinner.
It was awesome!
It started at 6:30 p.m. and everyone was assigned to bring his/her favorite food.
I brought Mimosas.
WHAT?
I was on a liquid diet.
Anyway, people brought cinnamon rolls, made waffles and scrambled eggs. This was all up my alley as I love breakfast foods at any time of the day.
So, that's the first time I heard the phrase "Breakfast for Dinner."
But, that's not really why I named my blog that.
I named it that because "Breakfast for Dinner" makes me think of my mom.
When I was a kid and she didn't feel like making a meat-and-three type dinner she'd make omelets. Great big ass omelets with tomatoes, onions, green peppers and cheese. We'd have a slice of toast or whatever on the side and that was that.
Mayn! That's all it took to make me happy because I love me some eggs!
Even now, when I don't feel like cooking dinner, I'll make scrambled eggs, drizzle some ketchup on them and have a side of toast with grape jelly. Something about the sweet and salty combo makes my mouth very happy.
"Breakfast for Dinner" also makes me happy because it takes what would be a normal meal in the a.m. and makes it special.
But, I really like the idea of Breakfast for Dinner because I can knock back the Mimosas and/or Bloody Mary's with breakfast and not be thought to have a "problem."
Which, I totally don't!
I'm just . . . from New Orleans.
I went to a party a while ago and the theme was Breakfast for Dinner.
It was awesome!
It started at 6:30 p.m. and everyone was assigned to bring his/her favorite food.
I brought Mimosas.
WHAT?
I was on a liquid diet.
Anyway, people brought cinnamon rolls, made waffles and scrambled eggs. This was all up my alley as I love breakfast foods at any time of the day.
So, that's the first time I heard the phrase "Breakfast for Dinner."
But, that's not really why I named my blog that.
I named it that because "Breakfast for Dinner" makes me think of my mom.
When I was a kid and she didn't feel like making a meat-and-three type dinner she'd make omelets. Great big ass omelets with tomatoes, onions, green peppers and cheese. We'd have a slice of toast or whatever on the side and that was that.
Mayn! That's all it took to make me happy because I love me some eggs!
Even now, when I don't feel like cooking dinner, I'll make scrambled eggs, drizzle some ketchup on them and have a side of toast with grape jelly. Something about the sweet and salty combo makes my mouth very happy.
"Breakfast for Dinner" also makes me happy because it takes what would be a normal meal in the a.m. and makes it special.
But, I really like the idea of Breakfast for Dinner because I can knock back the Mimosas and/or Bloody Mary's with breakfast and not be thought to have a "problem."
Which, I totally don't!
I'm just . . . from New Orleans.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
21
21 years ago today I was lucky enough to meet a boy that would change my life forever.
McD was beautiful.
He had great big brown eyes and that great baby smell.
I was eight and I was convinced that this beautiful baby boy was mine. That he was my baby to take care of. It's funny because if you look at pictures of us from back then I'm toting him around everywhere.
I was raised in a unique household. It was my mom, dad, brother and myself. My Aunt Toya also lived with us. See, I'm from Honduras and as most Latin Americans will tell you, family stays close.
In the same house kind of close.
The story goes that when my mom, dad, brother and I moved to N.O. we were on the plane and C and I looked around and started looking around for Toya. It wasn't long before we were both crying because she was not with us.
See, when my mom got married, the only one of her sisters to marry, Toya went to live with her. With us. I don't know a single day without Toya in my life. She's a second mother to me in so many ways.
She is also McD's mom.
McD is like my little brother. I used to hear him playing with his friends and he'd always refer to me as his sister.
And we were close, maybe it was the eight year age difference that helped us get along.
Maybe it's just that McD is a terrific kid.
When I got my license I hated driving anywhere alone. When I was 17 and he was nine, we drove around all over New Orleans together.
He was my co-pilot.
Everywhere I went he was with me. The time we spent together is time I'll never get back and man am I glad I had it.
He was just such a cool little kid.
Today he's funny as hell.
A trait that I like to think he inherited from me because he can match me point for point on smart ass comments and looks.
He's taking his time and coming into his own.
Sometimes I look at him and I can't believe he's becoming a man.
A man that I am proud to know and honored to be called his sister.
Happy birthday, McD.
I love you.
McD was beautiful.
He had great big brown eyes and that great baby smell.
I was eight and I was convinced that this beautiful baby boy was mine. That he was my baby to take care of. It's funny because if you look at pictures of us from back then I'm toting him around everywhere.
I was raised in a unique household. It was my mom, dad, brother and myself. My Aunt Toya also lived with us. See, I'm from Honduras and as most Latin Americans will tell you, family stays close.
In the same house kind of close.
The story goes that when my mom, dad, brother and I moved to N.O. we were on the plane and C and I looked around and started looking around for Toya. It wasn't long before we were both crying because she was not with us.
See, when my mom got married, the only one of her sisters to marry, Toya went to live with her. With us. I don't know a single day without Toya in my life. She's a second mother to me in so many ways.
She is also McD's mom.
McD is like my little brother. I used to hear him playing with his friends and he'd always refer to me as his sister.
And we were close, maybe it was the eight year age difference that helped us get along.
Maybe it's just that McD is a terrific kid.
When I got my license I hated driving anywhere alone. When I was 17 and he was nine, we drove around all over New Orleans together.
He was my co-pilot.
Everywhere I went he was with me. The time we spent together is time I'll never get back and man am I glad I had it.
He was just such a cool little kid.
Today he's funny as hell.
A trait that I like to think he inherited from me because he can match me point for point on smart ass comments and looks.
McD hasn't had it easy.
But he's still trying and still dreaming.
He's taking his time and coming into his own.
Sometimes I look at him and I can't believe he's becoming a man.
A man that I am proud to know and honored to be called his sister.
Happy birthday, McD.
I love you.
Road Trip
Oh, the last 24 hours have truly sucked.
I was on my way to the gym last night when a gentleman on the interstate gestured that I should roll down my window.
So you know I did right?
He yells at me, "You have no brake lights."
Me, "Huh? Oh SHIT!"
Because you know this is Labor Day weekend and I'm heading to N.O. on Thursday night and a 4.5 hour trip on any interstate, AT NIGHT, just isn't safe.
So, I got off interstate and wound my way back home. Where I proceeded to get at least 12 silipillion mosquito bites while testing my fuses.
Which, in a way, was kind of cool.
I know it sounds silly, but I like the fact that I'm not afraid to just start messing around with my car. After eliminating a fuse problem, I started checking my bulbs.
Now, I didn't figure they had all gone out at once. I mean, it was possible (infinitesimaly) but unlikely. It turns out I did have one blown bulb. Which, I changed because, you know - it's easy.
To which my dad said, "Maybe it's like Christmas lights. If one goes out then they all go out."
I had about ten minutes on dad on that one as it was the first thing that I had thought, too (Great minds and all that we are.) So I said to him, "You know, I thought the same thing only I realized there's no way an automobile engineer would design a car that way. It would be too dangerous. They'd just be waiting on the lawsuits to start pouring in."
He said, "Yeah, you've got a good point."
So, I called in late this morning and drove my car to Broadway's Automotive in Montgomery, AL (Yeah, that is such a shameless plug but these dudes know what they are doing.)
I walked in and said, "I have no brake lights."
The guy behind the counter asked me, "Is your shift locking up on you? Are you having to release it in order to take it out of park?"
Me, "Funny you should ask. I've had to use my key in the Shift Lock Release for few days now."
Guy, "Sounds like your Brake Light Switch. Now, that's just an armchair diagnosis but that's what I'm thinking."
An hour and a half later that was exactly what was wrong with it to the tune of $130.
Which, is great because this means I can leave as scheduled! Only, I'm still a little screwed since I slept a total of three hours last night because I kept worrying over this whole thing with the car. I didn't even pack (which, in hindsight was dumb, dumb, dumb) because I didn't figure I'd be able to leave on Thursday night.
How to have fun with your mechanic:
I sat there for quite a while and at one point, just before I got my bill actually, two of the guys in the office started singing along, and rocking out, to some old classic rock song. Then a third guy walks in, gives them the, "Ya'll are crazy!" look and they all laugh.
Singer 1 says, "Come on, we have a lady in here who was about to pull out her lighter and bandana . . . "
Me, looking up slowly from the Time magazine in my lap, "I was thisclose to taking off my bra and throwing it up on the counter actually."
All three guys stare at me in open-mouthed silence.
I went back to reading my magazine and slowly each one of them started to laugh.
Then, I'm called up to pay and I ask the guy (Singer 2), "Seriously, if I DO take my bra off will you consider lowering the price."
Today, I made my mechanic blush.
UPDATE:
I got a call from the guys at Broadway's and they were calling to let me know that when they totalled my bill they accidentally overcharged me for labor.
I'm totally going in there braless next time!
I was on my way to the gym last night when a gentleman on the interstate gestured that I should roll down my window.
So you know I did right?
He yells at me, "You have no brake lights."
Me, "Huh? Oh SHIT!"
Because you know this is Labor Day weekend and I'm heading to N.O. on Thursday night and a 4.5 hour trip on any interstate, AT NIGHT, just isn't safe.
So, I got off interstate and wound my way back home. Where I proceeded to get at least 12 silipillion mosquito bites while testing my fuses.
Which, in a way, was kind of cool.
I know it sounds silly, but I like the fact that I'm not afraid to just start messing around with my car. After eliminating a fuse problem, I started checking my bulbs.
Now, I didn't figure they had all gone out at once. I mean, it was possible (infinitesimaly) but unlikely. It turns out I did have one blown bulb. Which, I changed because, you know - it's easy.
To which my dad said, "Maybe it's like Christmas lights. If one goes out then they all go out."
I had about ten minutes on dad on that one as it was the first thing that I had thought, too (Great minds and all that we are.) So I said to him, "You know, I thought the same thing only I realized there's no way an automobile engineer would design a car that way. It would be too dangerous. They'd just be waiting on the lawsuits to start pouring in."
He said, "Yeah, you've got a good point."
So, I called in late this morning and drove my car to Broadway's Automotive in Montgomery, AL (Yeah, that is such a shameless plug but these dudes know what they are doing.)
I walked in and said, "I have no brake lights."
The guy behind the counter asked me, "Is your shift locking up on you? Are you having to release it in order to take it out of park?"
Me, "Funny you should ask. I've had to use my key in the Shift Lock Release for few days now."
Guy, "Sounds like your Brake Light Switch. Now, that's just an armchair diagnosis but that's what I'm thinking."
An hour and a half later that was exactly what was wrong with it to the tune of $130.
Which, is great because this means I can leave as scheduled! Only, I'm still a little screwed since I slept a total of three hours last night because I kept worrying over this whole thing with the car. I didn't even pack (which, in hindsight was dumb, dumb, dumb) because I didn't figure I'd be able to leave on Thursday night.
How to have fun with your mechanic:
I sat there for quite a while and at one point, just before I got my bill actually, two of the guys in the office started singing along, and rocking out, to some old classic rock song. Then a third guy walks in, gives them the, "Ya'll are crazy!" look and they all laugh.
Singer 1 says, "Come on, we have a lady in here who was about to pull out her lighter and bandana . . . "
Me, looking up slowly from the Time magazine in my lap, "I was thisclose to taking off my bra and throwing it up on the counter actually."
All three guys stare at me in open-mouthed silence.
I went back to reading my magazine and slowly each one of them started to laugh.
Then, I'm called up to pay and I ask the guy (Singer 2), "Seriously, if I DO take my bra off will you consider lowering the price."
Today, I made my mechanic blush.
UPDATE:
I got a call from the guys at Broadway's and they were calling to let me know that when they totalled my bill they accidentally overcharged me for labor.
I'm totally going in there braless next time!
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Momma
What is it about my mother that drives me crazy?
I know my mother loves me. In fact, I'm fairly certain she'd lay down in front of a speeding bus if it meant my life or hers.
But mayn! She can drive me nuts sometimes.
When I was married, at around year four she started gunning for grandkids.
It was subtle.
Little comments about how her friends were wondering when she'd hear the pitter patter of little feet. She of course, would turn to me with big sad eyes and say, "I have no answer."
The thing you need to know, is that my mom has this way of turning on those big sad eyes when she needs to.
A long time ago she tried to cry me into doing something.
I was tired and wouldn't budge.
I looked at her and said, "I'm not dad or C (my brother). This crying thing you do is not going to work on me."
It was the first time anyone had ever called her on this and she did not like it.
But, she did dry up those tears faster than I could say, "Manipulate."
Since then, mom and I have had a very different relationship. Things are just the way they are and neither one of us tries to hide behind pretense.
So, when the grandbabies campaign started it was pretty brutal.
Finally, I said to her, "If you don't stop - for every time you ask about babies, I'm going to add on another year of waiting."
And I did.
And then she realized I wasn't kidding so she quit.
But then I got divorced.
On the cusp of year nine of my marriage we ended it.
The promise of grandchildren is just about gone, for now.
See, when I was married I insisted that I just didn't want children.
The truth is, I did and I do.
It's not that my biological clock has started ticking.
It's more that I've finally allowed myself to admit, "Yes, I want children."
That's what the last six months have been for me - for the first time in a long time I can see again.
I am dating someone, but that's just a thing - you know?
There's no pressure, no serious commitment and no talk about tomorrow or forever.
It's all about today and the fact that he makes me happy today and I make him happy today. Maybe he's not Mr. Right, but he's definitely Mr. Right Now.
I'm perfectly content with that.
So, when mom throws out the stuff about the fact that I'll find love it bugs me because the implication is that I won't be really, truly happy until there's a man in my life again.
And that, as my father would say,
"Is bullshit."
I know my mother loves me. In fact, I'm fairly certain she'd lay down in front of a speeding bus if it meant my life or hers.
But mayn! She can drive me nuts sometimes.
When I was married, at around year four she started gunning for grandkids.
It was subtle.
Little comments about how her friends were wondering when she'd hear the pitter patter of little feet. She of course, would turn to me with big sad eyes and say, "I have no answer."
The thing you need to know, is that my mom has this way of turning on those big sad eyes when she needs to.
A long time ago she tried to cry me into doing something.
I was tired and wouldn't budge.
I looked at her and said, "I'm not dad or C (my brother). This crying thing you do is not going to work on me."
It was the first time anyone had ever called her on this and she did not like it.
But, she did dry up those tears faster than I could say, "Manipulate."
Since then, mom and I have had a very different relationship. Things are just the way they are and neither one of us tries to hide behind pretense.
So, when the grandbabies campaign started it was pretty brutal.
Finally, I said to her, "If you don't stop - for every time you ask about babies, I'm going to add on another year of waiting."
And I did.
And then she realized I wasn't kidding so she quit.
But then I got divorced.
On the cusp of year nine of my marriage we ended it.
The promise of grandchildren is just about gone, for now.
See, when I was married I insisted that I just didn't want children.
The truth is, I did and I do.
It's not that my biological clock has started ticking.
It's more that I've finally allowed myself to admit, "Yes, I want children."
You think I don't love the promise of one day looking at a man and thinking, "I want my children to have your eyes." The thought of loving someone so much that I want to see that love and that man reflected on the faces of our children is enough to make me swoon.
But, right now I don't have a husband.
This, of course, is what mom's been bugging me about lately.
Lately, she's been assuring me that I will find love. That it's out there.
I think maybe she sees me as a little lost because I don't have J. Because I don't have a spouse or partner.
The truth is, I'm not looking for it right now.
I mean, yeah, if it comes along then great. But I don't feel incomplete because there's no man in my life.
If anything, I feel like I found myself again. (I know that sounds completely hokey, but that's really how I feel.) You know that line in Amazing Grace:
But, right now I don't have a husband.
This, of course, is what mom's been bugging me about lately.
Lately, she's been assuring me that I will find love. That it's out there.
I think maybe she sees me as a little lost because I don't have J. Because I don't have a spouse or partner.
The truth is, I'm not looking for it right now.
I mean, yeah, if it comes along then great. But I don't feel incomplete because there's no man in my life.
If anything, I feel like I found myself again. (I know that sounds completely hokey, but that's really how I feel.) You know that line in Amazing Grace:
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
That's what the last six months have been for me - for the first time in a long time I can see again.
I am dating someone, but that's just a thing - you know?
There's no pressure, no serious commitment and no talk about tomorrow or forever.
It's all about today and the fact that he makes me happy today and I make him happy today. Maybe he's not Mr. Right, but he's definitely Mr. Right Now.
I'm perfectly content with that.
So, when mom throws out the stuff about the fact that I'll find love it bugs me because the implication is that I won't be really, truly happy until there's a man in my life again.
And that, as my father would say,
"Is bullshit."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)